Ohyaoo Minsan!  ✋😊

How are you doing?  Everything swimming okay? With the presidential elections and holidays, I’m sure chaos is knocking at your door too.

For those the elections, have affected, I pray it did not cause you as much pain as most. On Facebook, I have seen people unfriend years of friendship and some threatening to commit suicide.  I understand it can be upsetting, but remember this is not the first time our government have failed us by parading alongside the media when the situation should be handle much more delicately.  Before anyone comment, because I know how this topic can start spitfires, I did not and will not follow any political affairs to an extreme where I need to discuss it with others. Honestly, it is over my head and I don’t have time debating with anyone. It’s not worth it. What I learned over the years is that what is promised now may not come to fruit later. So why argue?  Other than that- I had a revelation *in a high pitch singsong voice* 🎤 🎼

Yup. 😀😊

I’m doing so much better both health and life wise. Not saying that my situation is cleared from under the debris of my mistakes. No, that will take time. Instead, the dense smog once suffocated and obscured all reason and thought was lifted. I feel lighter. Determined. More motivated and ecstatic than I have my whole life. It’s crazy but I feel complete and more in tune with myself. I finally answered the aged long question: who am I? Knowing unveils all doubts and now I see life how it should; eager for change yet patience to put forth the effort. 😉💪

If you haven’t stopped by the Instagram side bar, here is my latest updates:

*NOTE* Bubba did not want to have birthday party. Instead he wanted a cheesecake birthday cake and money to spend on his Roblox and Minecraft. And so I provided. He has an even bigger surprise on Christmas. I can’t wait to share. Not going to get too excited and ahead of myself. So, I will leave it as that lol.

It’s Turkey and NaNo month. Awesome.  Except I haven’t been writing as I should and I am afraid I’ll gain all the weight I loss in one day. Did I tell you I am now 194lbs? I’ve lost 95lbs so far!!!  Sugoi desu. 🔥😊

Yes, it is awesome.

Jackson, my fiancé was the one who noticed first. Not going to lie, feels good to have neighbors complement and noticed all my hard work! I am getting there with my goals and it doesn’t feel oddly wrong like I’m being selfish and taking from kiddos.  Nope, I know now not only does it benefits myself but the good habits I pick up, my babies mimic widening grins. That’s a win-win. 😊😉

Mina! I have a few lovely updates to discuss.

First; Hello and are you excited for fall? 🍁

😏 I ammm.

Greetings aside. I will start with the unfortunate news on my apart. The last domino of my procrastination toppled over sometime last week. I believe it was Friday to be exact. I had my game face prepared to work overtime for the holidays, I was not expecting everything else to tumble around this time too. I thought I planned wisely. Guess not. What happened?

Well…😐…😩

After my stay in the hospital, I shared briefly my financial struggle. To get back on track before birthdays rolled in, I applied for assistance which was provided by my employer. Up to speed: I was declined because they felt that even if they’d helped me, I was going to be back in this situation.

Ummm, yeah. I was doing quite well, thank you, up until the unexpected. What is the point of having a program that is supposed to aid those in need when you’re going to turn down those in need?

I don’t understand 😥😳

Anyways, my failure was putting all my eggs in one basket. Those babies cracked, of course, and now I’m stuck with yolk all over my shoes and the little hope I had splattered along with it.

Awesome…

But that’s okay, I didn’t let it get me down… Not as much as usual. So, the grind was on 👊. To be able to afford Leah’s birthday, I worked more than I liked. But that’s a sacrifice, I’m willing to make anytime. She had a blast. A pony extravaganza! I tried to video her surprise, but that day nothing panned out. Guests arrived late and I had a mini asthma attack that put me in one of those mood swings.

😈😭😠😣 *clears throat* I may have showed my back side that day too. I won’t go into detail. Let’s just say some of the parents saw a side that was a little psycho.

If you are not aware by now, I am not as sociable face to face. In fact, I. Loathe it. I hate communicating and smiling and being polite to people, I’m only going to see on special occasions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a total bitch. Being in public is a lot different than being dragged to a family gathering or any social get together where you feel obligated to attend. I don’t like hurting people feelings, in that sense, but I am not that outgoing. I love being in my own hollow away from the light and other people. It’s my comfort zone and I think A LOT there, which has helped me tremendously so far with imperative decisions.

*hehe* Jackson’s picks that I stare aimless at nothing for long periods of time if no one snaps me from my thoughts. Hey, it’s one of the ways, I learned to cope. Don’t judge.

So, when I do have to play host, I try my best not to show the irritation brewing from being surrounded by acquaintances. If you’re thinking something is seriously wrong with me then, my friend, you are a few years behind on that observation.

HOWEVER, no matter how tenacious and reserved, I would dear to be. I would do anything for my kiddos and that includes attending parties or taking them to events. See, I’m not that heartless 💔. Leah had a great time around her cousins and I even have a few photos to share. Enjoy 😉

Okay, now for THE rant. I will try to make it short, I promise.

This past Saturday was my cousin’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Cuzo! 🎂🎉 She is one of the few people I am close to and I wanted to be a part of her special day. But I was feeling off that day. For the love of me, I could not get motivated to step one foot outside of my house. I just couldn’t. I wanted to slouch around and read and write.

Oh, yes, I have been writing almost every day. I am uber proud of myself for that.

Yet, something felt wrong.

Later that evening as I am sprinting away in my red sketchbook, I get an unforeseen visitor. Another close friend and one I have not seen for over a month. The feeling I had earlier, I want to say it was because I sensed this visit. Doubt me if you like, but me in this girl have a special connection. We’ve known each other for years and have always had that sort of twin vibe when one of us was going through something stricken. Seriously, there have been many times when we both had similar bad days and too close good news. It’s crazy. Well, she stopped by and my first reaction was that something awful had happened. Not true to my relief, at least not psychically.

Ecstatic to see her, I welcomed her with open arms. Then we talked. This is one person, again,  I can talk to for hours and will never get bored or irritated even if we disagree. Because of my relationship, I won’t go into her business in depth. But I will say everything she worked hard to accomplish; an apartment, a beautiful 2016 vehicle, an amazing job, family and friends who respected her as presentable role model (she wasn’t aiming for this one, it just happened) was all tarnished and burned by the persuasion of a certain man.  And now she is reaping what she had helped him sowed.  It was tear-jerking learning the type of lifestyle she now led. I wanted to HELP 😥😭, but because of my last attempts and the sake for my own future, I had to limit what I could do. It was heart wrenching, knowing I had to make a decision that would hurt someone I love💓. But I couldn’t risk putting my children in a potential harmful situation. She had fallen and was desperately trying to climb out of the pit she had dug for the sake of love. I can only do so much to guide on her quest up into the sun. 🌅☀

*BYM (between you and me) * This guy is a major ass and does not respect women. He says he loves her but tries to control her and (used to, as she puts it) treats her like shit. He refuses to get a job and when he does get hired, he pulls out a list of excuses explaining why he can’t keep it. It’s ridiculous 😠. Not to mention the mounds of other abusiveness he’d inflicted both physically and emotionally.

I know everyone must grow up on their own. We should learn what makes us happy and what takes away from that happiness. What will help us live and what will keep us steady. It’s all a part of life. But the main thing, I think everyone needs to understand is that no one can teach someone who isn’t willing to try on their own. We can’t make someone treat us right. We can’t make them get or keep a job. We can’t make them have similar goals even if we are deeply in love with them. If their lifestyle is contradicting to ours then one is going to crumble by the weight of the other. It’s a fact. Either we will grow or fall apart together. One or the or the latter will carry through. I guarantee with experience to back my claims.

I learned my lesson and it took me many, many, years to finally understand what made me happy and what I could do to make my life the way I always envisioned.  It’s not an easy journey. So, when I see someone in a similar predicament, I reach out. I’ve done that with my friend and learned a new lesson. No matter what I say or the examples I can prove, sometimes, the person I want to help will need to fall before they learn how to get back up. One thing, though, I will always be on the sidelines, rooting. And the day I walk away, is the day I know that I am no longer there to lend a hand.  That will be an excoriating day, knowing I had to give up  someone dear to save myself.

“Sometimes adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful.” ~ Zig Ziglar 1. Reflect on your progress It always feels good to reflect on how far we have come. We can easily get caught up looking to the future only to base our happiness on finishing the next big project. Do we really want to wait until […]

via How to Stay Motivated — MakeItUltra™

YES!!!!!! 😏😊

Boardwalk Leah

Leah has picked up a new skill…. Modeling! Look at her many poses. Kawaii!!! 😍😘

Ah, a lot has happened. Honestly, I’ve been more emotional than I have ever been in the twenty-six years I lived. Wait, there was my first pregnancy. Yeah, that was pretty emotional. I hope any seventeen-year girl is emotional during those time, even if it was expected. Back to the subject at hand, the next following months I will be planning (and working my ass off) two birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. For me that is a lot of verbal interaction, which I am kind of not fond of. But, I will do what I must for my pumpkin babies.

Birthdays! 🎂🎉🎂🎁🎊

Leah is turning four Monday. Yay, closer to starting pre-K! She has been wanting to go school for a while. Her memory has outdone mind, actually. One day, as we were walking Bubba to school, Leah dropped to her knees and pleaded how she wanted to go to school with Bubba. As much as I would have loved to enroll her at the beginning age of three to please my princess and… myself. I could not.  Daycare was an option then I remembered that I work from home and expenses have rose more than my hourly wage could afford. Instead, I gave her a proposition. If she could learn the alphabets and numbers I would enroll her. Well, she’s mastered her colors and shapes and knows a lot of her animals. She knows how to color within a space and yes, she now knows half of her alphabets and can count up to five. In fact, she knows her one and two and three so well she can hold up identical fingers. This proud mama is doing a little bragging, but who wouldn’t be overwhelming proud of their child?

The past week or so Leah has shown immense concern that she is turning four on the third. I can’t get her to stop reminding me that she wants a Pink Pie cake. Oh, and I mustn’t forget to invite her friends or cousins or she is going to be very mad at me. I think we both are overly excited. When I was shopping for her gifts last week, I couldn’t stop smiling. I kept picturing her expression when me and her daddy bring them out to her. Her mind is going to explode. If it’s one trait I love most about my kids, it’s their dramatic expressions. They’re experts. Bubba is like lighting in a thunderstorm and Leah acts like a princess caught by surprise. It’s those expressions that reminds how great I got it. I can see a piece of me hidden underneath their outlandish personalities and it makes feel so blessed.

Hey, I just thought of an idea! I’ll post a short video after the party. You’ll see what I mean. Speaking of Bubba, his birthday is a month from now. So that’s one birthday in October and the other in November. I’ll tell more once I start scheming his party.

Holidays! 🎃🍛🎄🎁🎅💀

Halloween is my children’s day to eat all the junk and snacks their little tummies can withstand and to be as goofy and outrages they can be all while wearing the costume of their choice. Last year we took them trick or treating and came back to watch movies. We plan to do the same this year, after all when the kids are sleep the adults will play.

Thanksgiving and Christmas kind of run together. One month we eat a lot of food while shopping for the next month. While the other we shop more in an expedite and panic manor. Yay, my wallet!

…Wedding? 💒💏💍💑

Yes! I wanted to formally announce after five years of being labeled husband and wife, Jackson and I are making it official on paper.  We’ve been talking about it a lot, but I felt we wasn’t ready. After lots of thinking and talking with each other, we finally agreed that we are too stubborn to leave on our own and too secluded to search for anyone else. Being in love is a major factor too. Our anniversary, the day he first said he loved me is October 18. We have scheduled to have our wedding on our sixth anniversary in 2017. I’ll probably be emotionally unstable now and until that day, I’ve already started breaking down. The warmth and support from my family eases a lot of my doubts and blogging and writing and being productive. As long as I keep focus and not stray over the process, I’ll be fine. Hopefully. Yes, I will. If I think negatively, it will happen.

Out of all this, I am super excited about planning my wedding. I plan to design the invitations and decorate to my likings! It will be the SIMS4 come to life. *laughs menacingly * I am loving that part very much. I’m not a professional, but I have always had a passion for design. This is the opportunity to test how much of designing I actually love. I am no fan of hand and feet jewelry, so I have respectfully declined a ring. Instead, we’re doing tattoos that I am designing! How awesome is that? For me, hella awesome. I’m starting early since I don’t have a set budget. I know what I can and can’t afford and will work around that mindset. I will definitely keep updating.  So, we’re both enduring this journey for the first time. I’m posting my ideas on Pinterest. If you would like to follow.

Brief WIP Update 📑✒💻

Lately, my writing endeavors are in Tellus. When I first came with the story, I was taking a course in Greek Mythology at Full Sail University online. That was back in 2013. It was also the day I fell deeply for the subject. I am a big fan of fantasy, but the tales involving Gods and Goddess fascinates me beyond words. Over time, I played with the story in different formats. I attempted the game route and then screenplay. Then one day I picked up George R.R. Martin’s Games of Thrones and literally was dragged into the world. I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but I knew then that my story had much in command with Martin’s. One; it was told through multiple characters and the second; it was set in a high fantasy environment. Medieval times aren’t my strong suite, yet I am extremely hooked on his story. It’s because of desire to know, why I keep reading. After much brainstorming, I finally came up with a system for my own writing. I needed to keep track of each character of my own tale. It was confusing, still is in a way. But I have made a calendar! On the day the chapter occurs is the name of the character the story is told from. Depending on the chapter, I might add notes highlighting significant events. That way, I can keep track of my character’s personal growth and the overall story. When I last updated my word count I was 43,081 in. Now, I have 71,065 words. I am getting there, and it feels pretty damn good.

Isolated in the Dark

Time continues even when the hands haves stopped for me. I watched a movie a while back called Lucy. I’m not sure what scene it was but Lucy (the main character) figured that with greater knowledge we would lose what it means to be human. That our existence, our legacy is brought upon by the ancient and continuous use of time. Time defines us. So, as I am sitting here wasting mine, what would become of me?

Not sure, really. I feel like my life is trap in an infinite loop created by none other than myself. Imprisoned by my own mistakes and the means after in correcting those mistakes.

*sigh*

In truth, I am a lost black sheep. Not sure where my true herd is or where I am supposed to wander.

Is it strange that I have goals and yet they are unreachable because of my own made obstacles? How do you fix a part of yourself that is keeping you from progressing, when you feel as lonely and broken as a forgotten animal left to defend itself in the wild?

Fight or flight?

How about survive?

My daughter loves the animation movie The Croods. At the beginning the cavemen family share the tale of their life from the perspective of their eldest daughter, Eep. They live by a set of rules. And those rules keep them from enjoying, experiencing, living life. They are bound by their own fears awaiting the day time takes their last breath.

Am I living that life? Is what I am doing meaningless in terms of what I want to accomplish?

*laughs timidly*

Couldn’t tell you. I have no idea myself. All I can do is keep trying and have faith that my efforts will pay off. Hopefully.

BAM! Life Update

Hello, minasan! 😃 Hope life is going well. For me, still taking it day by day. My right arm is still sort of stiff from my hospital 🏥 visit but everything is pretty swell. I’m looking forward to going back to work Friday and I’ve been extremely productive when it comes to my writing 🖋. Still working on Tellus and Bloodless Pendants. Word count for Tellus is 43,081 and Bloodless Pendants is 14,417. In between both books, I picked up writing One Mind Two Names. Can’t complain. Happy to be writing again. Will be updating One Mind Two Names link in the next few days. *Update* Have it updated. Enjoy Chapter Three!

My son Bubba started 3rd grade and my daughter, Leah, is eager as ever to start pre-K. One more year, I tell her. One more year. 😁😀😁

Lately, my time is spent going back and forth from Doctor appointments and supporting my brother at his court trail. Yesterday was my first day and let me tell you, if you ever been to a trail they are mentally exhausting. 😱😰😣😵One thing is for sure, they aren’t as exciting as the television shows. Tomorrow, I’ll be heading back down to the courthouse to support my brother a long, very long, day. Yay, me! 😭😞😱The judge said that the jury could take up to hours before they deliver the final verdict. Its starts around nine a.m and can last up to five p.m. Awesome. 🙃 I’m nervous because I haven’t seen my brother going on two years, so I’m keeping my fingers cross.

Oh! Did I tell you that my mom is getting married on Saturday? Oh, I didn’t. Yeah, probably because I’m partially disappointed in her decision. To keep it simple, she doesn’t love 💔 him. 😒 Contradicts what she taught me when I was younger. But hey, a woman has to live, right? 😑 I was planning to go for support because when it boils down, I love my mom ❤very much and family is everything. But, Saturday is my second day back to work and I haven’t worked since I was sent to the hospital on the fifteen. I really need the funds with bills piling up right now and I’m the only one bringing in income. So, I have a tough decision to make. 🕳 ⬅I’ll just crawl in this hole here for now.

Other than that, life is unpredictable as ever. I have for you a little tease from, One Mind Two Names. Hope you enjoy!

Hellen’s Letter 📜

Hello, dear. I’m sure you don’t remember me and quite frankly, I’m pretty pissed about that. Who do you think you are? I know! A lying whore, I wish I could stripped the flesh from and torment for all of entirety. But, I can’t. And it’s because I can’t that I am even writing you. This game will end when I become one. Sort of like a pair of cards. You remember, right? Of course. You let those morons dope your mind and block it out. But that is all fine and dandy… For now. I will win, Ellan. Everything we own is mine to keep. Haven’t I always won in Gold Fish?

P.S.

Be a doll and say hello to our beautiful daughter, Alexis, for me.

What makes life spectacular? Is it our accomplishments? Our values? Friends and Family?

I’m sure it’s all of the above, but most importantly, it’s the fact that we are living. We are given consciousness to experience life like no other creature on this wonderful planet. Humans are dangerous and yet marvelous beings who are able to succeed their own limitations, sometimes only with hope.

What if one day the life you known, the good or the bad, was taken from you?

For me, it was the wakeup call I needed to realize what really is important about life. It’s not what I haven’t or have done. It’s not what I want to do or where I want to be. It’s a combination of everything. A balance of virtuous and malevolence. Reaching out to Eve’s apple, running my finger down its round bosom and then walking away just before the temptation strangles me in its grip. It’s the experience.

To experience life, however, I want to.

So, what makes life spectacular? Whatever I do. My actions, who I surround myself with, my perspective. That’s what makes my life spectacular.

I talked about a cycle of darkness. A cycle of incompleteness. Wanting to die because I didn’t know my purpose. Because I felt that I wasn’t living to the expectations of how I should be living for my children and myself.

Well, one faithful August day, none of that matter because my life ended. I died. I died and when I came back everything wasn’t the same anymore. What I thought was important was remedial to not being around my children and family.

Be careful what you wish for, truly. The darkness I experienced, I never want to experience ever again.

To hear my three-year-old daughter tell me to never leave her again, broke every empty resolve I had within. To embrace my son and shudder in tears because he was staying strong for me. To see my fiancé nearly brake, himself, because life flopped in less than a second. To have my father at my bedside for days on end, praying, clinging on to life for me. To see my sister, stubborn as in ox, in tears and my mother beside herself in worry.

It’s frightening, knowing that within a second there was 67% chance of not making it out alive.

Life has changed me.  I was reborn stronger. I was reborn wiser. I was reborn knowing what really matters in my life. I’m even more determined to reach my goals now, but now, I have a stronger mindset.

I still have long recovery ahead of me, and yes, I’m still a little down because during my hospitalization a lot occurred, finically amongst others.

But,

I was given a second chance. I’ll never take life for granted again. I may not be where I want to be now, but I’m going to enjoy the hell out of life until I get there.

08-24-16

A little rough, bear with me 😛

I had an “episode”, which I normally explain as me procrastinating or becoming uninterested in the things I normally love or NEED to do I.E. writing or going to work.

This episode is a reappearance cycle where I am trapped in a corridor of darkness and sorrow. Not interested in my everyday routine, not able to stay focus. The only thing constant on my mind is the drumming silence and the voice in my head telling me, “I’m worthless.” That is a brief window of the insanity that is my thoughts. It happens at least two weeks out of a moth. And that is the minimum. This time, the cycle was darker, colder, and filled with an unbearable sadness and guilt that broke down all reasons and sent me cuddling within my own mind.

This time, I sought help.

This time, I vowed to not let the emptiness and guilt of a past, not really remember, chain me.

This time, I wanted answers to why I am always feeling this way.

I’ve mentioned briefly about the melodrama that occurs within family, my own struggles and my goals. I talked about my procrastination and the constant drifting between projects and finding what my purpose is in life. Would you believe me if I told you that This is my norm for over ten years? Every day I will wake up asking myself is this what I want? Is this how my life should be? Of course the answer is usually no, and then a revelation, “we have our precious little ones. We can’t waste time twiddling our fingers.” But even my children, how beautiful and motivational they are, could not release from the funk of the cycle.

Who is the We, I speak of?

No one other than myself.

Yes, in a way you can say that I have gone mad. I resorted to creating a fictional character to cope with the distance and loneliness I feel of being misunderstood. Yes, for years no one I knew or grew up with could truly empathize with my thoughts. Of course, they were kind and showed sympathy. But in reality, who really knew me other than myself? A lot can say someone who experienced and shared your troubles, pain, and joy would understand who you are, sometimes better than you can.

True. I have a best friend; I love. A boyfriend (Jackson been demoted hehe); I love and they know me…

Often there are times I feel they don’t understand what makes me… ME.

So yes, I created a persona, I knew would.

I’m not sure why, but I would like to think the pressure of life was weighing deeply on my mind.  I’m still not sure what I WANT to do. Or rather what I want to do is not permitted in the world we currently live in. To be comfortable in our world the only way is to work hard. That is why perseverance is wonderful. It’s kind of like a miracle. We don’t expect anything big to happen, yet we keep going forward with the only thought to live for a better tomorrow. But what a lot of people don’t know it is because of that determination that miracles happen. So, although I want to live a life in peace doing nothing but writing and playing Sims 4, I have to get my hands dirty and work for that lifestyle.  But so far the only thing I truly worked on is burying a past and forging a future I thought was possible with shortcuts.  *sighs heavily*

Today, I admitting to myself that I do have a problem. One that has thwart my advances of improvement over and over in a course of ten years plus.  One I’m finally ready to overcome.

On August 2, 2016 I went to a mental clinic and saw a counselor for the first time in my life. Overwhelming, yes. Terrifying, not really. Nervous, hell yes. Asking for help is a lot harder when you’re not sure why you need help. Luckily, the nice folks at the clinic have helped many people in my situation.

I sat down in front of a counselor who was evaluating me he had one object: to determine if I really needed assistance.

I had one thought: Tell me I’m not crazy and I’m one of those people who are looking for an easy check.

First question on the agenda, “How was your childhood?”

Before I answered, I remembered what my father said, “Be honest, they can only help you when you’re honest.”

So I was honest and I told the counselor, as succinct as possible, my childhood and the important years that followed.

By this point his eyes were teary, but I can tell he was holding back or very good at his job. “You are strong,” He tells me. “You spent most of your life, trying to hold everything together. I commend you, Samara. But you have too much on your plate.”

In thought: Yes. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

Tears rolled nonstop while in thought and I found myself finally understanding why people cried under those situations. There are no words to describe, just that it felt good to finally be understood. That someone beside the me in my mind, understood the meals of responsibility I made on a daily basis to feed my family.

Again, the counselor was the one to determine if I needed help or if this was part of life and all I needed was walk forward. He set me up with a psychiatrist the following day, the first appointment. The psychiatrist wasn’t as emotional as the counselor, but she did agree with him. I’m depressed. Extremely depressed- have been for many years. She talked about the type of depression and ways to treat it. She also prescribed some medication that is supposed to bring back my energy and focus, among others. She also advised me to combine therapy and medication, because it is considered the best treatment.

So my first step wasn’t that bad. I’m already taking the medicine. I haven’t really seen a difference, but then again she said it can take up to two-six weeks before I do. I took the time to look up my diagonosis and found this article on webmd:

A constant sense of hopelessness and despair is a sign you may have major depression, also known as clinical depression.

With major depression, it may be difficult to work, study, sleep, eat, and enjoy friends and activities. Some people have clinical depression only once in their life, while others have it several times in a lifetime

Most people feel sad or low at some point in their lives. But clinical depression is marked by a depressed mood most of the day, sometimes particularly in the morning, and a loss of interest in normal activities and relationships — symptoms that are present every day for at least 2 weeks. In addition, according to the DSM-5 — a manual used to diagnose mental health conditions — you may have other symptoms with major depression. Those symptoms might include:

  • Fatigueor loss of energy almost every day

  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day

  • Impaired concentration, indecisiveness

  • Insomniaor hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day

  • Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly every day (called anhedonia, this symptom can be indicated by reports from significant others)

  • Restlessness or feeling slowed down

  • Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

  • Significant weight lossor gain (a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month)

Pana, No Chase!

Time Stamp of Incident: 25 July 2016 between 5:44 P.M and 6:00 P.M

Where can I hide from my embarrassment? 😳 Under this sheet? Nah, I need something a little darker. Oh, I know! 💡 I’ll just turn off all the lights in the house and pretend like I’m not at home and THEN hide under the sheets.

*laughs meekly* Yeaah, was not expecting to run 🏃.

I’m, sure you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about by now. Pana, my lovely pup, took off running next door and literally chased my neighbor and her friend, all the while his tail is wagging furiously. I’m sitting on the steps of my porch, thinking: Is he for real? Did he just try to pounce on my neighbor?

Jackson immediately ran after him commanding him to sit or stay. By the time I reached them, all the way across my neighbor’s yard, Pana was sitting and my neighbor and her friend had locked themselves in their vehicle.

*palm slaps forehead* Great, now I’ll be remembered as one of THOSE neighbors who let their pet run around freely, trying to play with EVERYONE regardless if they want to or not. 😭😧😟

Geesh, what a day. Wasn’t planning on apologizing like a stammering fool, but there I was with my hand clutched on Pana’s collar. Even after all the excitement and bustle, Pana was still ready to play. When we got in the house, I gave him THE stare 💀 of disapproval. He licked 👅 my thigh then looked up at me with his tail still wagging.

Puppies… 🐾🐶💕

Pana Edit