🚪Excuse Me, Coming Through
Hello is way overdue. I have been M.I.A from all social media. My life has turned on its backside and there’s no one to blame but myself. The depression that jackets me has shriveled to a wind breaker but it is still here. Still thriving off my failures. I am not like most. I think my kind is considered one of few. Simply put, I overthink, a lot. My comfort is drifting in the pitch of conscious between fantasy and reality. It’s where most my stories thrive from. I find myself processing a situation from both sides of a disagreement. At the end, I experience an arrayed of emotions, which is quite interesting. In a way, I view my life as if I’m writing it.
There is no wrong without right. No good without evil. We all live our lives believing we are doing what’s right. Some have proof of their endeavors and others… others like myself, have only hollow words. Please do not pity me. I am aware if my actions. I am aware of what is keeping from being happy. It’s almost like I’ve been living in my own nightmare. Sometime last week, I received a call from my father. Terrible news amongst others. My step brother was murdered— shot at a local convenience store. Although, I am not close to my step-brother it me hard knowing that another member of my family has been killed by petty violence— in this case a heated dispute. I raise my children to defend themselves, to stand up against bullies, but now I am not sure. Our world is changing. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, if you give into temptations in that nature nothing moral will come from it. Its petrifying but it has yet again open my eyes that life is fleeting and what have I done with mine? I am not saying that everything I have done so far is a waste; I could have done so more. I COULD have. But I DIDN’T. I let fear bind and comfort me, but I need to go forward. Its’s always easier said than done. I am living proof of that haha. But it is human error and unfortunately that is one of the ways that we learn. My focus comes and goes. Some days I can write pages and others not even a sentence. I’m starting to wonder if it is my depression or that I am simply bored. Apparently, I have been thinking a lot. Thinking helps when days are unbearable— that and talking to myself. Yeah, not aloud but silently in my thoughts. Another way to escape, I’m sure. When you know your flaws that means your one step closer to happiness, right? It should because that’s how I’m taking it. 😎😁