We Were Created to Learn and Move On

Mina! I have a few lovely updates to discuss.

First; Hello and are you excited for fall? 🍁

😏 I ammm.

Greetings aside. I will start with the unfortunate news on my apart. The last domino of my procrastination toppled over sometime last week. I believe it was Friday to be exact. I had my game face prepared to work overtime for the holidays, I was not expecting everything else to tumble around this time too. I thought I planned wisely. Guess not. What happened?

Well…😐…😩

After my stay in the hospital, I shared briefly my financial struggle. To get back on track before birthdays rolled in, I applied for assistance which was provided by my employer. Up to speed: I was declined because they felt that even if they’d helped me, I was going to be back in this situation.

Ummm, yeah. I was doing quite well, thank you, up until the unexpected. What is the point of having a program that is supposed to aid those in need when you’re going to turn down those in need?

I don’t understand 😥😳

Anyways, my failure was putting all my eggs in one basket. Those babies cracked, of course, and now I’m stuck with yolk all over my shoes and the little hope I had splattered along with it.

Awesome…

But that’s okay, I didn’t let it get me down… Not as much as usual. So, the grind was on 👊. To be able to afford Leah’s birthday, I worked more than I liked. But that’s a sacrifice, I’m willing to make anytime. She had a blast. A pony extravaganza! I tried to video her surprise, but that day nothing panned out. Guests arrived late and I had a mini asthma attack that put me in one of those mood swings.

😈😭😠😣 *clears throat* I may have showed my back side that day too. I won’t go into detail. Let’s just say some of the parents saw a side that was a little psycho.

If you are not aware by now, I am not as sociable face to face. In fact, I. Loathe it. I hate communicating and smiling and being polite to people, I’m only going to see on special occasions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a total bitch. Being in public is a lot different than being dragged to a family gathering or any social get together where you feel obligated to attend. I don’t like hurting people feelings, in that sense, but I am not that outgoing. I love being in my own hollow away from the light and other people. It’s my comfort zone and I think A LOT there, which has helped me tremendously so far with imperative decisions.

*hehe* Jackson’s picks that I stare aimless at nothing for long periods of time if no one snaps me from my thoughts. Hey, it’s one of the ways, I learned to cope. Don’t judge.

So, when I do have to play host, I try my best not to show the irritation brewing from being surrounded by acquaintances. If you’re thinking something is seriously wrong with me then, my friend, you are a few years behind on that observation.

HOWEVER, no matter how tenacious and reserved, I would dear to be. I would do anything for my kiddos and that includes attending parties or taking them to events. See, I’m not that heartless 💔. Leah had a great time around her cousins and I even have a few photos to share. Enjoy 😉

Okay, now for THE rant. I will try to make it short, I promise.

This past Saturday was my cousin’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Cuzo! 🎂🎉 She is one of the few people I am close to and I wanted to be a part of her special day. But I was feeling off that day. For the love of me, I could not get motivated to step one foot outside of my house. I just couldn’t. I wanted to slouch around and read and write.

Oh, yes, I have been writing almost every day. I am uber proud of myself for that.

Yet, something felt wrong.

Later that evening as I am sprinting away in my red sketchbook, I get an unforeseen visitor. Another close friend and one I have not seen for over a month. The feeling I had earlier, I want to say it was because I sensed this visit. Doubt me if you like, but me in this girl have a special connection. We’ve known each other for years and have always had that sort of twin vibe when one of us was going through something stricken. Seriously, there have been many times when we both had similar bad days and too close good news. It’s crazy. Well, she stopped by and my first reaction was that something awful had happened. Not true to my relief, at least not psychically.

Ecstatic to see her, I welcomed her with open arms. Then we talked. This is one person, again,  I can talk to for hours and will never get bored or irritated even if we disagree. Because of my relationship, I won’t go into her business in depth. But I will say everything she worked hard to accomplish; an apartment, a beautiful 2016 vehicle, an amazing job, family and friends who respected her as presentable role model (she wasn’t aiming for this one, it just happened) was all tarnished and burned by the persuasion of a certain man.  And now she is reaping what she had helped him sowed.  It was tear-jerking learning the type of lifestyle she now led. I wanted to HELP 😥😭, but because of my last attempts and the sake for my own future, I had to limit what I could do. It was heart wrenching, knowing I had to make a decision that would hurt someone I love💓. But I couldn’t risk putting my children in a potential harmful situation. She had fallen and was desperately trying to climb out of the pit she had dug for the sake of love. I can only do so much to guide on her quest up into the sun. 🌅☀

*BYM (between you and me) * This guy is a major ass and does not respect women. He says he loves her but tries to control her and (used to, as she puts it) treats her like shit. He refuses to get a job and when he does get hired, he pulls out a list of excuses explaining why he can’t keep it. It’s ridiculous 😠. Not to mention the mounds of other abusiveness he’d inflicted both physically and emotionally.

I know everyone must grow up on their own. We should learn what makes us happy and what takes away from that happiness. What will help us live and what will keep us steady. It’s all a part of life. But the main thing, I think everyone needs to understand is that no one can teach someone who isn’t willing to try on their own. We can’t make someone treat us right. We can’t make them get or keep a job. We can’t make them have similar goals even if we are deeply in love with them. If their lifestyle is contradicting to ours then one is going to crumble by the weight of the other. It’s a fact. Either we will grow or fall apart together. One or the or the latter will carry through. I guarantee with experience to back my claims.

I learned my lesson and it took me many, many, years to finally understand what made me happy and what I could do to make my life the way I always envisioned.  It’s not an easy journey. So, when I see someone in a similar predicament, I reach out. I’ve done that with my friend and learned a new lesson. No matter what I say or the examples I can prove, sometimes, the person I want to help will need to fall before they learn how to get back up. One thing, though, I will always be on the sidelines, rooting. And the day I walk away, is the day I know that I am no longer there to lend a hand.  That will be an excoriating day, knowing I had to give up  someone dear to save myself.

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