Realtionships: Trust your Intuition
It’s hard to say what exactly isn’t going to work versus what is, especially when it comes to relationships. However, today I’m posting from my heart about a certain relationship situation based solely off experience and observation. For the new visitors and the faithful ones, I want to take this time to thank you for stopping by.
A little about myself:
My name is Samara Norton but I go by Sam or K.S. I was born to Janel Norton and Alfred Ladd, two hardworking individuals that I love dearly. All my life, I have been in the “struggle”. The struggle is a phrase I use to emphasize that, I am not in a happy place in my life and I’m trying everything to overcome it. My life started off rough. I’ve used government assistance programs such as SNAP and TANF then slowly build the foundation that drew me away from them. But the thing is, those programs weren’t new to me. I grew up around it and thought it was something that I was supposed to have. It took me eight hard years to realize that I was wrong. They were there to help me stand. Not for me to relay on them for my whole life. When I realized that my whole perspective on life changed. I thought to myself, “Why am I living such a hard life? What am I doing wrong?” Again, I wish, I could say I found that out easily. It took about six months, but by then I was already on the path, I needed to be on. I started eating healthier, exercising, and focusing on my goal to live comfortably doing something I love. So far, it’s a tie between my writing, designing, and my non-bias ear. As of today, I where I am supposed to be. But because of the life I lived prior and the one I’m determined to live here on, many opportunities slipped me by. That doesn’t deter from my decision, just means that I have to work a lot harder. The entries you read, as sporadic as they are, they are a piece of me and what I’ve come to know.
Looking back at it now; it brings me to tears of the things I went through, but that’s another story for another time.
Today, I wanted to share my thoughts on relationships that move fast, since it’s also a big part of my life.
My fiancé, four years to this day, and I have been trying to overcome the struggle. We started off fast; kisses, sexual encounters, the whole she-bang. But we never got to know each other as a person. When we did, we saw things that upset us and that caused major confliction in our daily life. It’s hard to overcome anything when your stress at home and work. My advice; take it slow.
- Enjoy all the little things you enjoy about the person.
- Realize what you truly value about the relationship. If you can picture yourself with them for many years, then usually your heart is in the right direction.
- Don’t judge a person by their looks or occupation.
- Don’t disregard or shrug off anything you feel to be out of the ordinary. If you feel something is off, then eight out of ten you’re right.
- And be honest with your feelings and intuition.
How do I know?
The first two years of my relationship; I fought with my intuition and my heart. I know there are others that have done the same. I kept everything inside, thinking that I was the only one able to solve what was going on in my relationship. Well, I was wrong. I wasn’t looking at the picture as a whole because I was trapped within it. Having someone there, and not just anyone, but someone that cared about me and my well-being really opened my eyes.
- Remember there are snakes in the garden, just like there are flowers. Which means sometimes we can be blind by pretty things such as words or looks and sometimes overlook a person’s action or the bigger picture.
Sometimes people will do things because we allow them to. The more you indulge in their “fuckery” (define: bullshit, nonsense, childish games), the more they think, they’re getting away with it.
Like many others, I didn’t want the relationship to end because he had my heart. At the same time, I didn’t want to keep living the way I did. I was tired of the constant berating, accusations and being told I was cheating when I wasn’t. To this day, I have yet to step out of my relationship. A relationship NEVER gets better when you start doing the same fuckery as your partner. It only gets worse, confusing, and complicated. And if you have children, well that’s another can of B.S that you just opened around your babies. For my situation, I told him up front: either a) this WILL work out because we’re going to get through this together. Or b) I WILL walk out and never look back. Of course, he chose the latter and we have been together since. But it took a lot to get to that point. And honestly, I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy. The emotional, mental and even physical stress of constantly trying to gain someone’s trust when you haven’t done anything is a lot to bear. And just saying, it’s not worth it.
If by day three or even week two, you have to put up with your partner’s troubled past or constant check-ups then I advised you to let them go, unless you’re willing to go on that journey. There is clearly something that is eating away at their conscious. It could have nothing to do with you, but because you’re with them, you’re getting the worst end of it. I’m not trying to comprise with cheating, its wrong no matter what. Point blank. Some people just like that feeling of control and others are suffering from something that happened to them long ago. If you’re with someone with that impulse, let them go A.S.A.P. Don’t be with someone who thinks they have to dictate your life. That’s not love.
And for the ones troubled by their past well… I have this to say:
Our past defines us. I don’t like the phrase, “the past is the past,” even though, I’ve said it myself a few times. Because truth is, the past is a lot more than we think. The past structures our future. Everything we do now determines what our future will look like, including our relationships. We can either learn from our mistakes or failed situations or allow them to devour us and pull us under this cycle of pain. Regardless of what happened, I have a strong belief that everyone should face their demons. Sometimes, you could be unconsciously doing things to protect yourself when you’re actually hurting the people that love you the most. Work through the pain; don’t bury or numb it.
Remember everything, but don’t let it determine where you go from here.
As a strong believer of loyalty, faith, and communication; if you don’t have any of those down by the time you get into relationship then you’re setting that relationship up for failure. Eventually, the things you try desperately to hide WILL come to light. Either by you willingly or certain circumstance of events. As the saying goes, “The truth will set you free.”
I’m going to end the post with this:
There is such a thing as love at first sight, but remember we can also be blinded by love.