Chitterlings and Success

Hello there, mina-san. I hope we all are well from Thanksgiving week. It’s Thanksgiving week because we ate (or still is eating) all the leftovers. We didn’t fix a lot this year, so our leftovers weren’t much. Me? I gained about three pounds. Yeah, holidays are my time to chow down on chitterlings. And I LOVE me some chitterlings smothered in hot sauce. If you’re not aware of what they are, I don’t mind spilling. But I really don’t want to be the one to gross you out.

Okay, I lied. I totally want to be the one.

Chitterlings is pig’s intestine. You have to “clean” (or pull) the excess digestive linings from the intestine before you boil them. Now, I have heard some strange recipes from co-workers and believe me, mine is less cringing. One of my co-workers cooked their chitterlings in blood. (I’m not sure what kind, probably pig. But still…) I simply boil them in onions, celery, pepper flakes, and maybe chili, and that’s if I want to be creative. I didn’t tell you guys, I have zero skills when it comes to cooking? Oh, I didn’t?

*averts eyes to the left* I’m sure, I have…

I will warn you, though; they smell like someone popped, that’s as PG13 I can get, even before you open the bag. Picking up the bag leaves the smell on your hands and don’t accidently wipe your nose. So, there is no escaping it. Hehe. Now, you know what my family went through. Leah scrunched her face, pouting a soon as she took a whiff. She was literally scared to go near the bag, said she did want stink on her dress. I remind you, she’s three.

Got to love my mini me.

So, my Thanksgiving week was pretty awesome. Family, wise. Career wise, umm, not so much. I’m not sure how to say this, but I think, I have a fear of success. I’m not just talking about failing. It’s the whole shebang. I love to write; I love to design. But if it’s my own pace, that’s where I lack. Plain and simple, I have a hard time motivating myself. And it only worsened after I quit my outgoing job. Now, I’m at home all day, working and all. I know, I need a change of scenery, a spark of inspiration (hint: which is why I post a lot inspirational quotes and whatnot on my blog) ….

Honestly, I think my procrastination has gotten the best of me… Pretty outrageous.

To get me back on track, I started scheduling everything. The more I remind myself of what I need to do, the more likely I will do it. I also asked my best friend, who is the exact opposite of me, by the way, to help keep me on track. I have a fear of success, but I have an even bigger fear of wasting my life. I don’t want to ask myself “what if,” if I can do something now.

Not sure why I didn’t think of this during my writer’s block moments, but during the slow season of writing my novels, I decided to work on short stories or pick up other stories I created and stopped. I have A LOT. Hopefully, I am not the only writer with a cabinet and over 3GB full of ideas. They come to me and I excitedly  write them down. And then… POOF! The inspiration vanishes and it stuffed with the maybe pile.

Sometimes its great because I use some ideas for current stories, but other times it reminds how bad my procrastination is. I’m keeping fingers crossed that having abundance of reminders and scheduling my time would help.


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