WIPpet Wednesday | AJ

It’s Wednesday and I’ve been slow poking around with writing this week. A lot has been going on, including my best friend hounding me about my writing career. I understand where she’s coming from, but I have a serious fear when it comes to success. There I said it. But that’s something I’m willingly to work on. I believe with hard work and improving my craft, I wouldn’t be so afraid. She also wants to start a business. We’ve been talking about this basket idea for months, she’s ready to invest time and money. Wooo! So, that means more posting of my writing and updates. If there’s anything, I can improve feel free to point it out. I’ve prepared for this moment. I’m also going to look for writing critiques groups as well, if you know any let a girl know! 🙂

Today’s WIPpet is from the perspective of AJ, the second protagonist in Bloodless Pendants. I thought a good character change was needed. Following Melia would only become more confusing since I can’t drop any juicy excerpts. For WIPpet Math you have twenty-five sentences from chapter three.

Join in on the WIPpet fun by linking your excerpt here.

*disclaimer vulgar language used*

AJ’s front door slammed shut behind her. The cool morning breeze blew against her thin jacket sending a cold shiver running down her back but that didn’t bother her. She was still flustered from the heated discussion with her mother last night. Her mother words lingered in her mind, nagging at AJ every chance it got. She sucked in air. “She knows nothing about me.” AJ hated being called a liar, but even more, she despised being forced to participate in any activities she didn’t volunteer for. Even if it meant saving her life. If she didn’t want to do it, she didn’t have to. In a few months, she’ll be legally an adult. So, her mother should treat her as one, at least that’s what AJ thought.

AJ followed the gleam of light as it skidded across her fence. Her mind was simmering down as the realization of her predicament focused. She didn’t ask her mother much, just to have a little freedom. But after her accident, her mother observed her with two wide eyes at her every action. Sometimes, AJ believed her mother was hiding more than she led. Her condition wasn’t life threatening, in a way. Skipping a day or two without taking her medicine wouldn’t hurt. Truly, AJ didn’t know what was wrong or right anymore. With all her strength, she kicked a metal pan off the porch. It tinged and rolled to the steel fence where it clanged against it.

The girl sighed heavily, jerking her head back. “Fuck it.” She jumped off the two stepped porch and paced down her sidewalk leading to the gate.

7 Comments on “WIPpet Wednesday | AJ

  1. Hmmm… And now I wonder, does AJ need the medicine or not? Teenagers often perceive adults as being controlling even when they’re not. (Granted, many adults ARE controlling, but many adults also think any form of boundary is controlling.)

    • Oh yeah. I was a major pain in my teenager years. Kind of why I had my son during that time 😛 I’m trying to go for the modern day teen who is growing up. Still have a long way to go with it, though. Thanks for reading 🙂

  2. All teens struggle with boundaries, and especially toward that age when adulthood needs to be negotiated with the parents. It’s surely an adjustment for everyone.

    In terms of improvements that could be made — it’s kind of repetitive in the beginning. Two sentences to describe something that you only need one for. I also had issues getting into her head. For example “AJ believed her mother had to be hiding something…” would be easier to get into her head if you just wrote it from her POV. “Her mother was hiding something, the niggling in the corner of her gut shouted it louder than ever.”

    Every emotion/thought has connection with the body and it’s different for different people. When I get made I feel it right in the center of my forehead first and then in my chest. Other people feel it in their toes. When something isn’t right, it’s like I can’t stop looking over my shoulder or keeping my eyes wide open to see where whatever it is is coming from. Play with that concept a bit and see what happens with it.

    • Thank you so much. I’m going to be working on that as I continue writing. I never thought it in those terms and I do have a habit of being repetitive one of the reasons why I post on my blog. If I can’t spot any generally someone else would. When you have time, feel free to help me out some more. I find and can correct myself better when someone else points it out. Really appreciate it 🙂

  3. Hey its teriffying starting your own business whether writing or otherwise. Do it anyway. Take a stab in the dark. No guts no glory. I did a lot of research before I finally decided to go for it but there’s only so much research you can do. About the excerpt: think about what it looks like when a person is flustered. Avoid that sentence altogether and then instead write about how she physically responds.

  4. It’s terrifying starting a business writing or otherwise. Go for it anyway. No guts no glory. I did a year of research but there’s only so much research you can do. . About the snippet: think about what it looks like when someone looks flustered. Avoid using the word and show what AJ DOES instead. Some of which you did already 🙂

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