WIPpet Wednesday | 7-Day Challenge

I’m addicted to eating. There, I said it, and it’s not just any eating. It has to be junk and full of things that you are not supposed to eat too much of. I’ve been eating like this since I was a child. I’m not saying that this is an excuse. I know its not. I’m saying that’s it a lot harder for me stop. I have “paused” plenty of times, but one bite of sugary goodness and I’m back where I started– the beginning. So, on my usual daily stroll on Facebook, my best friend came across a challenge. This “challenge” has little to no purpose, or I don’t know the purpose because I refused to read the entire post out of boredom. However, I did read the image that came with it. I figured it said more than enough on what I was supposed to do. For seven days I cannot eat rice, chips, pasta, red meat, bread or candy. Or drink soda and alcohol (the alcohol part killed me, by the way). What I can eat and drink are chicken and fish, veggies, fruits and water. Part of the challenge is that I have to eat five to six times a day, which isn’t going to happen because I get up around one and two in the afternoon. It’s pretty much summer peeps, let me sleep in.

10342911_704398342952920_406885314610168064_n

Yet, I planned to do it anyways. In fact, today is my first day. I got up around two hours ago, yes, I am serious, and cleaned my house. For my brunch I ate a salad with black olives, roma tomatoes, boiled chunks of boneless chicken, shredded cheese, eggs, and a little ranch salad dressing and salt and pepper. Now, for those who are like my best friend and can’t fathom why I would put all these ingredients into one bowl. Because I like it. To me, a salad is not a salad without olives. I love olives, will and have ate them out of the can. My daughter loves them. Sometimes we fight over who gets the last can. We can’t share it because then we would just be eating each others olives, depending who ate theirs first. I call my salad a power meal. It has enough protein to be a main dish, which is how I’m going to survive this challenge.

On to WIPpet Wednesday. I’m actually really excited to be joining in again. I really have missed reading everyone’s excerpts and having them reading mine. I learn so much about my story and what I can do to improve it and what works better. I also learn different writing styles and improve on my grammar. I hate to admit it but I lack in that area, grammar that is. I’m learning slowly. Alright, enough about my own issues.

I’m rewriting Tellus on paper and that has helped a lot. I’ve also changed some of the characters or took out their speech, rather. I decided not to let the animals speak in normal terms. I gave them telepathy where they can communicate with their masters. I think it makes it interesting in a lot of ways. Today I’m posting a rewrite of Tellus. I haven’t gone far with it but I would like your suggestions on the new take. My worry is that it’s not engaging enough to see the scene vividly. So, I’ve been working on that. I also want to point out that the characters way of speech and how this story is told is similar to how Games of Thrones is written. To make this clear I did not and will not take anything that George R.R. Martin has written. I know the laws and is frighten of them. His story is what inspired Tellus, is all.

The scene today is a real-like dream, dreamt by Xantara, one of four protagonists, but the center subject of book one. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post because it is in the very beginning stage, but I’m taking a stab. WIPpet math, you have the date added by the month which gives you sixteen sentences from a beginning chapter I’m not sure where to place, but would like to keep.

Xantara sat in the middle of it all. Surrounded by jade and crimson flames, watching as they danced around her, rising, parting the clouds above her. In the distant shouts and scream she could hear the soft hums of a familiar voice. A lullaby. Sweet and nostalgic and yet Xantara couldn’t remember where she heard the tune. And before she had the chance to ponder she was surrounded by darkness. Darkness and the flames of green and red, accompanied still by the lullaby, whose voice grew softer. The flames distinguishing in the blackness around her, replaced by amber glows and shouts and screams of those that scorned her. She didn’t mean to, she wanted to say. It wasn’t her intention. But the hands of those narrowed eyes pulled and dragged her down, digging nails and sticks into her body until the blood broke from her skin. She reached out a hand and lifted her head for one last breath of mercy, but the hands dared to hear her pleas. They wrapped around her small undeveloped neck and squeezed until each breath became harder than the next. Xantara knew her life was fading, because everything drowned in waves of nothing. And yet that did not frighten her as much as the world she was leaving behind. Why did it bother her so to leave this wretched planet behind?

And there you have it. If you want to hop along on WIPpet Wednesday make a post with an excerpt of your current work in progress and then link it up here for all the other WIPpeteers to gander.

13 Comments on “WIPpet Wednesday | 7-Day Challenge

  1. Interesting. The red and green flames are a nice touch, and the bit at the end about being being bothered about leaving the world she doesn’t like anyway is very good.

    Where you say “distinguishing,” it should say “extinguishing.” And for “dared,” do you mean “did not deign” or something along the lines of “refused?”

    Other than those two things, I pictured the scene pretty well, I think. Like Xantara is being dragged into a hell-like place, right?

    • Yes, OMG, I’m so happy because it came clear at least for one person. Yes, it’s sort of like a nightmare. She’s remembering a certain past which is intensified by her own feelings. Thank you, this is one of the reasons I love to post my work. I’m not looking for those type of correction all the time, but I sure am happy when I receive it!

  2. This is really engaging and intriguing. I went back and read it more than once. Not sure if it’s actually a death scene or something more paranormal than that, but it was very captivating.

    • Thank you! Really happy that I have hooked the reader. One of my problem areas I’ve been working on. It’s more like a dream. This is a fantasy story, which plays a lot on powers and such.

  3. I don’t know if it was supposed to, but the lullaby combined with the flames and the death was pretty creepy. I’ve had dreams like that, where there’s this disconnect between something that should be lovely (like the song) and something horrible (like the choking). I also liked the part at the end where she’s wondering why she’s upset to leave a world she hates.

    • It wasn’t intentionally, but thanks to you I just thought of a way to use this scene to further a certain part of the story. 🙂 Thanks!

  4. I hear you on the salad. My mom and I used to have what we called a Junk Salad — all sorts of nummy and basically healthy ingredients thrown into a bowl together. My mouth waters just thinking about it. Mmmmmmm

    This was a very powerful piece. The image it gave me was chilling — the lullaby, the darkness… wonderful mood setting.

  5. Except for the few notes I saw ReGo make I don’t see anything that stands out too much grammatically. The stream-of-consciousness flow gave the piece a nice edge.

    Not sure about your 7-day challenge though. Rice is actually a pretty good carb (as long as it isn’t stripped of all the good stuff). Same with potatoes… the skins are awesome. And straight starch breaks down in the body to glucose with is what our brains and muscles need to function. But fructose, unless you have a diabetic issue, is another story… that can’t be processed by our brains… it treats any fructose like it does alcohol… your liver processes that.

    • Thanks. Yeah, the seven day challenge thing failed day one. There was no way I could give up my red meat, at least not right now. It doesn’t help either with my fiancé cooking a nice tender stake for everyone and then comes around the corner with glossy eyes saying, “Are you sure you don’t want one?” However, I am rethinking of ways to keep me on healthy path so I can lose weight without giving up everything I love to eat.

      • Been there… and I feel your pain. It’s hard to be determined to do something “good” and have everyone around you tempting you to be “just a little bad” 😀

  6. When my Accomplice wants to win my heart, he brings me a salad. Last nigh’s had romaine, spinach, spring mix, olives (SO with you on that!), carrots, tomato, cucumber, avocado (Even more necessary than the olives, and grilled tilapia) – all with his homemade key lime/cilantro vinaigrette…

    Yup, married me an actual chef! =)

    The excerpt felt very dreamlike to me. The only thing I can suggest is to include the senses of taste, touch, and scent…

    But it really pulled me in – the way the screams are just something she expects, and the lullabye is a part of all this terrifying imagery…

    I love dream-sequences, if they’re handled well. This one is!

    • Oh, a little jealous. Married to a chef, the possibilities of amazing meals are endless.

      Thank you! I think adding those senses will help a lot. Why didn’t I think of that 🙂

      • Well, he makes a lot of amazing food- but usually at work, not here – although he brings me dinner many nights…

        You didn’t think about it because you were too busy writing it! Always easier to see things in other people’s writing than in my own.

        If you knew how many times I’ve done (and still do, in first drafts, more than I like) the same thing, you’d know why I was so quick to spot how that would bring the dream even more wholly to life. =)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s